Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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