I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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