I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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