getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
