Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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