Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
