i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize