Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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