mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize