Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
