where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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