i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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