Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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