You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
