birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize