I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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