the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
