He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
