Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize