i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize