They should really pass out barf bags in church
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
