You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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