based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we're so committed to being not committed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
