Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
