i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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