Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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