What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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