Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
