I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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