I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
