she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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