so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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