3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
