shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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