The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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