You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
