Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
