I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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