You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
