just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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