Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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