She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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