The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
