wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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