now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
