I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
