is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
