I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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