there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
