im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
