Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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