Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize