Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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