dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
