seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
