We are two peas in an std pod
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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