First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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