just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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