My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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