Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
