I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
