All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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