I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
