Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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