hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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