It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
