My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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