there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
