so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
