You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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